Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
