cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
