A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
