remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
