Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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