Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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