I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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