Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
