Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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