At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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