just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
