My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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