Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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