hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
