when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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