apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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