U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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