I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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