And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Holy shit dude........stairs
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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