I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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