Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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