I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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