best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
