If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
