it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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