Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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