I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
