I'm gonna have a badass scar
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
