hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
