I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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