I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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