I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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