so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Are my feet made of real feet?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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