I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
