Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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