when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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