Can Purell be used as lube?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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