Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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