if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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