some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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