i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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