I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
