I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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