My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
