I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
