Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
