so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
