wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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