She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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