Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
