Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
