I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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