He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
