All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
