My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
