apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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