you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
