the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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