hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
