I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
