Sry I called you an 8
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
