I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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