My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
