I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
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No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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